"I am stressed, this situation is giving me so much anxiety…"
We often use the words stress and anxiety in the same conversation to describe the same thing — and it makes sense that we do, because they can feel remarkably similar. The racing heart, the tense shoulders, the mind that won't switch off. Both are exhausting, and both deserve to be taken seriously.
But they're actually not the same thing, and understanding the difference matters because the way you respond to each one is different. What helps with stress won't always help with anxiety, and vice versa.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a response to something real and identifiable. There's a thing: a deadline, a presentation, a difficult conversation you need to have, an exam coming up — and your nervous system is reacting to it.
That reaction is essentially the same one we explored in the article on emotions: the amygdala identifies a demand or a threat, activates the sympathetic nervous system, and prepares the body to respond. Heart rate increases, breathing quickens, muscles tense, cortisol and adrenaline are released. The body is mobilising its resources.
Stress, in that sense, has a shape and an end point. It's connected to something specific, and in most cases it disappears when that thing is over. You give the presentation, submit the report, have the conversation; the stressor is gone, the nervous system settles, and you come back to yourself.
Stress isn't a problem in itself. It's a response — granted, sometimes an uncomfortable one, but one with a purpose. The difficulty arises when stress becomes chronic: when the demands keep coming without enough recovery in between, when the body never quite gets to settle, or when there's never quite a chance to let it out.
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is different in one important way: the threat isn't here yet, hasn't been confirmed, and may never arrive.
Anxiety is based on anticipation. It's the mind rehearsing a future based only on a hypothesis, running through scenarios, preparing for outcomes that are possible but not certain. What if the meeting goes badly? What if they think less of me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if something goes wrong?
The nervous system doesn't quite distinguish between real danger and imagined danger, which is why anxiety can produce the same physical sensations as stress. The heart races, the stomach tightens, the breathing becomes shallow. But the object of the fear is a projection, not a fact. And that makes it much harder to resolve, because there's nothing concrete to act on or move past.
This is also why "just don't worry about it" is such unhelpful advice. Anxiety isn't just a thinking problem that can be reasoned away — it's a nervous system response triggered by uncertainty and anticipated threat. The more you try to suppress or argue with it, the more energy you give it, and the more you feed it.
Where It Gets Complicated: When Stress Becomes Anxiety
The boundary between stress and anxiety isn't always clean, and that's worth naming.
Sustained or unresolved stress can turn into anxiety. If you're under significant pressure for a long period, or if you've had a genuinely difficult experience that your nervous system hasn't fully processed, the body stops getting the chance to settle. The alertness that was once useful starts firing in situations where there's no real threat — and that's when you still feel nervous during a quiet evening in front of a film, during Sunday brunch with friends, for no obvious reason at all.
Anxiety also has a way of feeding itself. Worrying about the worry. Dreading the physical sensations. Starting to avoid situations that might set it off, even when the original stressor is long gone. Each avoidance quietly confirms to the nervous system that the threat was real, that it's safer to stay away — which makes it more likely to fire next time.
So… Am I Stressed or Anxious?
A useful question to ask yourself: Is there something specific I'm responding to, and will this settle once that thing has passed?
If yes, this is likely stress, and the best approach is to support your nervous system by looking after yourself through a demanding period without letting it become chronic. That means rest, exercise, sleep, TLC, spending time with people who fill your cup — and being honest about the load you're carrying rather than simply pushing through.
If the worry persists across situations, isn't clearly attached to one thing, or keeps finding new things to get attached to even after the original concern has resolved — that's more characteristic of anxiety. And that usually calls for a different kind of support.
Some signs that what you're experiencing may be anxiety rather than stress:
You worry consistently, even when things are going reasonably well
The worry shifts from one topic to another, rather than resolving when a specific event passes
You find yourself avoiding situations, people or places to prevent feeling worse
You experience physical symptoms — tension, breathlessness, stomach tightness — that don't obviously connect to anything happening right now
Rest doesn't bring much relief; switching off feels difficult even in calm moments
None of these is a diagnosis — just signs worth paying attention to.
What Actually Helps
For stress: reducing the demand where possible, prioritising recovery, and supporting the nervous system through the challenging time.
For anxiety, reducing the demand isn't really the answer — because a quieter week won't stop the what-ifs. What tends to keep anxiety going is the pattern underneath: the avoidance, the loops of worry, the way uncertainty gets read as real danger based on scenarios with no proven basis. That's where working with a therapist can make a real difference — by shifting what's underneath it, which tends to produce more lasting change than coping strategies alone.
If you're not sure which applies to you, that uncertainty and the discomfort it brings are worth bringing to a conversation. Sometimes naming what's happening, with some support, is the most useful first step.
Anxiety is one of the main areas I work with in my practice, using an integrative approach tailored to what you need. If you'd like to find out more, get in touch — I offer a free 20-minute introductory call
